50 Tabs Open, None Closing on Their Own
Why do some thoughts vanish while others stick like glue? A deep dive into obsessive problem-solving and mental overload
— Jutta
My mind is like a browser with 50 open tabs. I click through them, but instead of closing anything, more and more windows keep popping up. Some tabs I can forget instantly—others stick like a stubborn earworm. And, of course, it’s always the wrong ones.
Take last night, for example. I just wanted to find a quick and simple solution to translate my website into English—without spending a fortune on subscriptions. A straightforward task. Or so I thought.
From a Simple Task to a Full-Blown Mental Spiral
Initially, I wondered: How could I efficiently translate my site, perhaps gaining knowledge simultaneously?
I clicked here and there—and, a labyrinth of “best methods,” plugins, price comparisons, and technical dead ends trapped me. Every extra step brought more than two new questions.
How do the URLs work? Are there SEO issues? What if my theme isn’t compatible?
I wasn’t planning anymore—I was firefighting. Tackling problems I didn’t even have before. A backpack full of extra problems I now had to carry around. Day and night.
And, as always: The deeper I dig, the more dirt falls in. At some point, it wasn’t about website translation anymore—it had turned into an epic quest that refused to let me go. To stay in the metaphor: I had buried myself. Without realizing it.
Problems: The VIPs in My Head—My Dilemma
No matter how hard I try, certain thoughts remain elusive, slipping through my grasp like grains of sand. The words I need to learn, the things I must remember, the details I’ll never forget... those ideas that pop into my head and vanish in a frustrating blink.
Why Some Thoughts Stick—And Others Disappear
It’s impossible to ignore, much like a pink elephant; the more you try, the more you fail. They settle in my mind, grow bigger, attract more thoughts, like a snowball turning into an avalanche.
That’s exactly what happened to me last night. I knew I couldn’t just stop, because the problem would still exist. In my head. So, one way or another, it had to be “solved.” Even if it meant an entire sleepless night.
The Self-Sabotage Loop: How I Trap Myself in Problems
I knew it was wrong—but I still did it.
I’ve written enough about the importance of taking breaks, listening to your own rhythm, and not letting your body become a casualty of your mind.
But my mind? My mind wasn’t free anymore.There was no proper decision to be made. There was only one path: I kept staring at my screen until 1:20 AM. I zoned out. Only one thought filled my being: “I got this…”
And when I finally solved the problem? No relief. No satisfaction. No euphoria. Just… emptiness.
The Point Where I No Longer Trust My Own Mind
The next morning, I looked back and thought: What the hell was that? I know this pattern. I’ve analyzed it. I understand it.
Despite this, I repeatedly encounter the same issue. The cycle starts all over again. Every. Single. Time.
No Conclusions Yet—Just Another Open Tab.
I can’t wrap this up with some clever advice or deep life lesson. Honestly? I have no idea.
- Why am I like this?
- Why do some thoughts disappear while others burn themselves into my brain?
- Why can’t I let go of problems until they’re solved, even when it’s bad for me?
I’d love to say I’ve figured it out. But all I’ve got is another open tab:
I think I have a problem 🤣
Jutta
Jutta